June 17, 2015- Today is one week before mediation. The past few days have been rough for me. The weather in Texas must be keeping up with my emotions. The amount of rain in Texas right now is unheard of. Tropical Storm Bill actually just passed through last night.
It is hard to explain what exactly is making things rough for me. I know that I still do not like being put in the position that I am in.
I’ve had so much revealed to me in this time of anguish. It has truly been a driving force to making me “ok.” Knowing that I am actually a better person without him.
I have a lot of tension within myself right now. There is a fight between my logical side and my emotional side. An all out war actually. Logic says, “You are much better off and there is no reason to be stuck up on this situation. This is good and it is FINALLY almost over.” Emotion says, “This was supposed to be forever. You thought this was for forever. It is ending. It is actually ending. This is sad.” Logic puts before my eyes my future and all the wonderful things I have lined up and going for me right now. Emotion puts before my eyes the memories and the past; the good times and the bad times.
Tropical Storm Bill is so appropriate this week. I am sure they named the storm wrong though. I have no qualms with Bill. I was awake as Bill tore through the city last night. It was a mixture of peace and turmoil. There was no lightning or thunder or destruction…there was only strong winds and rain…lots of rain. The rain crashed against my window as I laid in bed. I wondered how much my windows could take and was suddenly thankful that I was on the 2nd floor. I certainly thought I would awake and need to swim to work. The rain was loud and known and yet the sound was refreshing and calming.
Treacherous peace. That is it.