When You Left

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When you left, I cried out to God. I let Him know my pain. I told Him I didn’t want this. I told Him I keep my promises. I wasn’t going to leave your side. Even though you showed me the most ugly parts of life…of you. I wanted your happiness. I wanted to see you smile.

He told me to be patient. He told me He would stay with me. And I felt His peace.

When you left, I began to sweep up the egg shells I had scattered across the floor. The eggshells that would keep me in line. The eggshells that would keep you here. I slowly began to feel the floor again. I felt the wood grains as I curled my toes embracing the wood like sand. I felt the creases and the imperfections. My feet no longer bled from the shards left by the egg shells I tried so desperately not to step on. I no longer felt the pressure; I no longer had to hold my breath. As the level of harm subsided, I began to explore this floor. I began to change my steps. I began to dance and glide and breathe and smile. I began to sing and twirl and let go of all I held in. I felt free though battered. Limitless though scarred.

When you left, I began to run. I ran to feel control; I ran to feel power. I ran to think and not think at the same time. I ran to feel alive. And sometimes you consumed me even there. Sometimes it was too much and I would have to stop. I quickly learned running away was not an option.

He told me I have a lot to learn.

As the distance between you and me increased the distance between You and me decreased.

I found myself running on the beach. I was running against a storm desperately trying to make it back to my car. The skies were gray ready to unleash their fury. I felt the wind strong and weightless and holding me at a standstill. Then I heard You. You told me to walk and enjoy the storm. I saw the sand move like the waves; the grains pounding against my feet. The lightning streamed across the sky and the thunder shook the earth. I walked there powerless; out of control. You told me to sit down as I was rocking the boat. You painted a rainbow across the sky and reminded me to trust You. You presented a beautiful sunset as I saw fireworks in the distance.

You told me You will never leave me.

You see, when you left I learned a valuable lesson: there are no guarantees in life. But after that I learned a greater lesson: He will always be there.

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