Fear: the thing standing between you and living life.
Day 3 - May 13 We got up a little late at 2:30 am. I got a whopping 2 hours of sleep. I have to admit time management is not my strong suit. The drive to the shuttle was pretty intense. My Dad was in his zone again. I reached the shuttle at 4:30 just … Continue reading California Adventure Day 3
... Day 2 - May 12 We woke up late today after having such a long travel day with little sleep. Our hotel is an hour and a half away from Bass Lake (where the half marathon is). When we walked outside it was cold and misty. We drove the mountainous route to the expo … Continue reading California Adventure Day 2
https://youtu.be/lhbu_nSpTCw Day 1 - May 11 Our day started with driving to the airport at 3:30 am. We discovered we had to leave at 3:30 at 12:30 am so I decided I would not go to sleep thinking I could pass out on the airplane. I got middle seat so it did not happen. We … Continue reading California Adventure Day 1
When you left, I began to sweep up the egg shells I had scattered across the floor. The eggshells that would keep me in line. The eggshells that would keep you here. I slowly began to feel the floor again. I felt the wood grains as I curled my toes embracing the wood like sand. I felt the creases and the imperfections. My feet no longer bled from the shards left by the egg shells I tried so desperately not to step on. I no longer felt the pressure; I no longer had to hold my breath. As the level of harm subsided, I began to explore this floor. I began to change my steps. I began to dance and glide and breathe and smile. I began to sing and twirl and let go of all I held in. I felt free though battered. Limitless though scarred.
I have a lot of tension within myself right now. There is a fight between my logical side and my emotional side. An all out war actually. Logic says, “You are much better off and there is no reason to be stuck up on this situation. This is good and it is FINALLY almost over.” Emotion says, “This was supposed to be forever. You thought this was for forever. It is ending. It is actually ending. This is sad.” Logic puts before my eyes my future and all the wonderful things I have lined up and going for me right now. Emotion puts before my eyes the memories and the past; the good times and the bad times.
One time I heard the story about Captain Hernán Cortés burning his ships after arriving in Veracruz. The speaker linked the story to how we should go into a marriage. No plan b. Survive or die. I absolutely love this picture of the dedication that should go into a marriage. In sickness and in health til death do us part...let us burn our ships together.
The process of coping is like climbing a mountain. You throw a rope around the ledge of the next stage of the process. You have to work hard to pull yourself to that ledge. You are exhausted as you climb up on top of the ledge only to realize you must throw your rope to the next ledge and begin to pull yourself to the next stage of the process. Everyone climbs at a different pace. Some will climb the mountain quickly and some may have to camp out on the different ledges for a little while. This is where you must be gracious to yourself.
Divorce was one of the greatest things that has ever happened to me. I say this only because I was humbled. I learned what grace truly meant. Having accepted this grace and these new humble lenses, I have become more approachable and I seek more to understand. I am constantly reminded that we really do not know what others are going through.
In both instances there was a common place you could find me...on my knees with my face on the ground. I knew both situations were out of my control. I knew the only thing I could do. I asked God to save the life of my marriage and I asked Him to save my Dad's life. He granted one and I'm so glad He didn't grant the other.
Today I needed progress. I needed motivation to wrap things up. Today I gave up the most beautiful possession I have. I am ready to move on. I have been for a while. Today I took another step towards that. I took both rings to my bathroom where I keep the original Jared box that my ring came in. The very box that held my ring the first time I saw it all together and in the hand of the man on one knee before me that I wanted to spend forever with.
