I have a lot of tension within myself right now. There is a fight between my logical side and my emotional side. An all out war actually. Logic says, “You are much better off and there is no reason to be stuck up on this situation. This is good and it is FINALLY almost over.” Emotion says, “This was supposed to be forever. You thought this was for forever. It is ending. It is actually ending. This is sad.” Logic puts before my eyes my future and all the wonderful things I have lined up and going for me right now. Emotion puts before my eyes the memories and the past; the good times and the bad times.
Healing is a journey. It takes time. There is much to be seen and digested and if you walk too quickly you may miss something important. Though I would never choose to go through what I have been through again...I cannot help but love this journey God has put me on. I picture open prairies clothed in tall weeds with grandiose mountains as the backdrop. I walk up, down and around mountains. I peer off into the distance from atop the mountains seeing what seems to be forever. I see the most beautiful lakes reflecting crystals from the night sky. I walk through a field of sunflowers and smile. I think of the alone time and the beats of my heart. Each breath is breathed with a purpose and a mission. I think of the other travelers I have met along the way and the conversations we have had. All traveling on different paths going to different destinations but able to provide insight to each other's individual journeys. There is so much to be learned from everything around us. At some point you will reach your destination: healed...but you will realize it was never about reaching the destination...it was about the journey.