And in that moment I don’t feel so weak. My posture straightens and I feel peace. You lower Your hand and You pull me out. It is Spring and there is new life everywhere. You reach out Your hand and with a sweeping motion You push the dirt back in the hole. You lower Your hand with Your palm down and flip it over and raise it up. Nine billy balls and sunflowers come up out of the dirt. You look at me and You say, “I know you thought you knew what love was…but now I am going to show you. Take my hand and trust me and I will make your life beautiful. Be patient I have some cool stuff to show you.” #Psalm30
You can spend your whole life traveling and seeing and experiencing the coolest things…but you might find there is something still missing. Someone to share it all with. I’m excited for my future and I patiently await with anticipation, seeing the faces of the cards as they fall.
2 years later that little girl has grown. She has grown into a woman. Her optimism has benefitted her. She is no longer lost and she lives free and weightless. She breathes deep and lives boundless. She rediscovered her roots and planted them deep. At one point she was surviving and now she is thriving. She resides far from the shadow that he casted. She has created her own.
When you left, I began to sweep up the egg shells I had scattered across the floor. The eggshells that would keep me in line. The eggshells that would keep you here. I slowly began to feel the floor again. I felt the wood grains as I curled my toes embracing the wood like sand. I felt the creases and the imperfections. My feet no longer bled from the shards left by the egg shells I tried so desperately not to step on. I no longer felt the pressure; I no longer had to hold my breath. As the level of harm subsided, I began to explore this floor. I began to change my steps. I began to dance and glide and breathe and smile. I began to sing and twirl and let go of all I held in. I felt free though battered. Limitless though scarred.
One time I heard the story about Captain Hernán Cortés burning his ships after arriving in Veracruz. The speaker linked the story to how we should go into a marriage. No plan b. Survive or die. I absolutely love this picture of the dedication that should go into a marriage. In sickness and in health til death do us part...let us burn our ships together.
Healing is a journey. It takes time. There is much to be seen and digested and if you walk too quickly you may miss something important. Though I would never choose to go through what I have been through again...I cannot help but love this journey God has put me on. I picture open prairies clothed in tall weeds with grandiose mountains as the backdrop. I walk up, down and around mountains. I peer off into the distance from atop the mountains seeing what seems to be forever. I see the most beautiful lakes reflecting crystals from the night sky. I walk through a field of sunflowers and smile. I think of the alone time and the beats of my heart. Each breath is breathed with a purpose and a mission. I think of the other travelers I have met along the way and the conversations we have had. All traveling on different paths going to different destinations but able to provide insight to each other's individual journeys. There is so much to be learned from everything around us. At some point you will reach your destination: healed...but you will realize it was never about reaching the destination...it was about the journey.