And in that moment I don’t feel so weak. My posture straightens and I feel peace. You lower Your hand and You pull me out. It is Spring and there is new life everywhere. You reach out Your hand and with a sweeping motion You push the dirt back in the hole. You lower Your hand with Your palm down and flip it over and raise it up. Nine billy balls and sunflowers come up out of the dirt. You look at me and You say, “I know you thought you knew what love was…but now I am going to show you. Take my hand and trust me and I will make your life beautiful. Be patient I have some cool stuff to show you.” #Psalm30
I hear a noise upstairs coming from the attic. It's quiet; it's subtle. I continue to stare and the noise picks up speed. It grows louder and louder. I watch as the reflection begins to show a different face. She begins to look around with curious eyes. The noise increases its presence; pounding rapidly. The reflection looks me dead in the eyes and I freeze. With a stern, impatient tone she says, "What are you waiting for?"
You can spend your whole life traveling and seeing and experiencing the coolest things…but you might find there is something still missing. Someone to share it all with. I’m excited for my future and I patiently await with anticipation, seeing the faces of the cards as they fall.
2 years later that little girl has grown. She has grown into a woman. Her optimism has benefitted her. She is no longer lost and she lives free and weightless. She breathes deep and lives boundless. She rediscovered her roots and planted them deep. At one point she was surviving and now she is thriving. She resides far from the shadow that he casted. She has created her own.
Years ago I learned a valuable lesson in church about “life sentences.” The series talked about the power of words. The things we say and the effect they can have on others. And also that we choose the impact that words spoken to us from others have on us personally. We choose to allow someone to offend us or make us mad. We choose the length of time and the magnitude in which words spoken to us influence our life.
This trip really has been about being on the other side of healing; rejoicing. I rejoiced at every place we visited. I'm thankful...so thankful for life and living it; for the adventures we were experiencing and for the ones that are ahead of me. I have learned to openly embrace life. The joy, heartbreak, challenges; all of it. Without sorrow, joy wouldn't be so sweet. Without heartbreak, love might take things for granted. Without death, life would mean nothing. I've never breathed so deep and felt so fulfilled.
When you left, I began to sweep up the egg shells I had scattered across the floor. The eggshells that would keep me in line. The eggshells that would keep you here. I slowly began to feel the floor again. I felt the wood grains as I curled my toes embracing the wood like sand. I felt the creases and the imperfections. My feet no longer bled from the shards left by the egg shells I tried so desperately not to step on. I no longer felt the pressure; I no longer had to hold my breath. As the level of harm subsided, I began to explore this floor. I began to change my steps. I began to dance and glide and breathe and smile. I began to sing and twirl and let go of all I held in. I felt free though battered. Limitless though scarred.
One time I heard the story about Captain Hernán Cortés burning his ships after arriving in Veracruz. The speaker linked the story to how we should go into a marriage. No plan b. Survive or die. I absolutely love this picture of the dedication that should go into a marriage. In sickness and in health til death do us part...let us burn our ships together.
I remember the first time I drove a 4-wheeler. My cousin was so impressed with how I rode. He called me “fearless.” I told him that divorce will do that to you! When you get married it is two deaths and one resurrection. Two people become one being. When you divorce, you are splitting one into two. It’s quite painful.